Authenticity or Adaptation? Who Gets to Be Themselves at Work?

Dangerous Dinner

Hosted by Prof Barbara van Ernst AM & Deborah Remfry

We say we want people to “bring their whole selves to work.” We celebrate authenticity, diversity, and self-expression. Yet in the real world — hiring panels, boardrooms, leadership teams — we still judge people by norms that haven’t changed nearly as much as we pretend. 

At a women-in-biotech breakfast, the message was clear: don’t shrink yourself, don’t contort your personality — the system must change, not you. But in a recent executive interview panel, two senior, successful women questioned a younger woman’s fast, high-pitched delivery. Could she project gravitas? Would the “silverbacks” take her seriously? And here’s the uncomfortable question: would we react the same way if these criticisms came from men?

This dinner asks us to face the double-bind we rarely talk about: Is “authenticity” a genuine pathway to success — or a luxury only some can afford? And when does well-meant professional advice become the reinforcement of outdated norms?

Are we truly challenging gendered expectations of voice, demeanour and leadership — or simply adapting them for the next generation? Do we help people by telling them to be themselves, or by teaching them to fit the mould? And who gets to decide what “leadership presence” looks and sounds like?

Come ready for a confronting conversation about bias, authenticity, power, and the subtle ways even supporters of equity can perpetuate the very standards they fought against.

This time, the question isn’t about the system. It’s about us.

Dangerous Dinners give you the opportunity to fearlessly discuss contemporary, challenging and interesting ideas, themes and points of view.

In a relaxed, informal dining environment, we draw on the diverse expertise of our members, sharing their ideas and experiences on complex or controversial topics; to learn from others, challenge assumptions, spark new ideas or point the way for potential actions.

Dangerous because the topics may be difficult to discuss, ask the silent questions, challenge thinking, unpack pressing issues, test emerging trends. Safe because we respect others’ views, it is polite not offensive, under Chatham House rule and listening with the intent to learn.

On a regular basis, you will be able to join your fellow Melbourne Forum members for a robust discussion on a range of themes in dynamic company and over a light meal. The focus is on ‘food for thought’ with shared conversations and shared platters as part of the collegiality.